Dear Jackson,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you will never fully understand the reason I am not around. I wish I was able to explain these types of things to dogs. I can tell you a million times that I love you and miss you but you will never really know. I miss the nights it was only you and I and we would sit on the couch together and watch South Park and laugh at the stupid jokes while you chewed continuosly and your eye ball would go sideways because you were in such bliss. I wake up in the morning and get ready to take you out, but it's not me anymore. I'm sorry that I can't take you for hikes anymore to the power line and back, sometimes we would make it to the big ditch but we both know mama would get lazy and just throw a stick so you could get the exercise instead of her. Tell the horny toad I said hello, I'm sure he forgives you for pouncing him every time we walked by. Sometimes I miss buying you stupid toys from the dollar store that you would shred in 3 minutes and then I would have to clean all the little bean bag beads up with the vaccuum cleaner that never picked anything up. I do miss you puppers, I'm just not allowed to tell you anymore. When we went and got you, I was a little hesitant because Toby was in my heart and to be honest I really wasn't ready for you. It took me a long time to like you. Only you and I will know the good times we had and the love I have for you now. Please know, even though I'm not around, I miss you and wish I could see you everyday. I didn't leave because of you. I didn't abandon you. If only you could understand. I'm afraid that you don't remember me anymore but I can only hope you do. No matter what you hear, I am your mama.