Movin' on

On Friday November 7th my life completely changed. I loaded up a Penske truck (mostly by myself by the way) with all of my 'so called' important items that I couldn't live with out. Needless to say, I left a lot of material items behind along with the intangible, including my heart. My good friend and my dad drove all the way up to Flagstaff to help me load the couches and help me hold my emotions from exploding. We made a few stops to pick up my never used boat and at the casino for lunch where we each had 8 dollars to spend on slots. We didn't win anything but had some mindless entertainment then hit the road again. My friend Nicole drove the Penske down the freeway like a bat out of hell. Scared me to death that she was going to roll the thing but then I found out it had a governor on it that only allowed her to go 75mph or lower. Whew!
We unloaded pretty much everything in to my dads trailer for storage, for now, then headed down to Gilbert to unload some more! So now I live with a married couple in a nice place in the middle of cowboy town. It will take me some time to get use to the cowboy way, really not my style but I'm pretty excepting of others so we shall see.

I have been searching for jobs every day and have only a had a few call backs. I'm going crazy knowing I have nothing to do and no money coming in. It's hard to just sit around all day but nice a the same time. I am so lucky to have such supportive friends and family. When I think about the emotional part of this move...I don't want to think about it. Those of you who know me, I am really good at putting on a face and making the situation light. But inside I hurt. My heart hurts everyday. I think yesterday was the first day I didn't cry. It's hard to learn how to sleep alone all the time, to not have to give all my attention to a dog, maintain a job that is effortless and not see the mountains I drove by everyday. I am trying to find what I enjoy to do. Recently it's been contacting old friends that I know will entertain and keep my mind off of reality. Life is hard, I know this. No one ever told me it would be easy...by why not. I mean really?!

Sitting, wishing, waiting...sums it up for now.