mmmmmmmhhhmmm

Shoot, shucks, holy cow, OMG, crap!! Just a preview of my weekend coming up in Mt. Pine Acres for Labor Day! wwwwaaaaaaahhhhhhhoooooooooooo. See you there!

Long time no blog.

Well my computer has decided to delete a few programs so my camera program has not been working so I have had a hard time uploading photos...therefore I have not blogged! But I'm back!!

First time sewing...
Can't even tell where I sewed the pants huh? These are my favorite freakin pants and they have ripped and torn in many places and I refuse to throw them out. So I was forced to learn how to sew and so far they have lasted.


Pretty little Niece:
I can't believe she is already one! One year ago, I was the first family member to see her pretty little face. I was blessed to be in the delivery room with Jen during her C-section. Many exiting moments from the passed year include...her first time swimming, taking off work because I was "sick" to take care of her, yelling Daaa Dooo at her grandpa, waving hello, all of her great dance moves, and watching her open her millions of Christmas presents.

Meet Bonnie

For my 24th birthday I was given a Bonsai tree. At first all I thought about was Saved By the Bell when Mr. Belding trims his too much and ends up killing it. Then I realized how much love and care this beautiful tree needs and I thought...Hey, this could be fun. Her name is Bonnie and she has buds on her branches that are ready to bloom soon. Thanks to 1-800-Flowers she came watered and with her own little rock. I'm pretty excited to have a tree in my room, hard to believe she really won't get much bigger but I have faith that this tree will live...at least that's my goal. Although it's a lot of responsibility to NOT kill this plant, I told myself I am going to become just a little more mature this year (because I turned 24 of course) and this is just the step I needed... Thanks for all the responsibilty Tom.

In like a lion out like a lamb

The month of March has always been good to me. I don't know if it has anything to do with my birthday being in the month or what but anytime March comes around I feel happy. The weather is always amazing, no matter where I have lived. I have so many friends and family that have birthdays in March- Carl turned 65 this year!, St Patrick's day is in March (he's cool and we get green beer because of him), I have many more memories of March some good some bad. I went to Hawaii for my first time after March last year, Spring usually starts in March at least it does for me because spring break was always in March when I was in school and that meant sun, bathing suits and no school!

Well I really just wanted to brag about my favorite month. Even the sound of it is cool. MaaaarrrCH! Enjoy the beautiful month of March because its going to be dang hot here in Phx when it's over.

24 here I come!

Second Job

So I received a pay cut this last week, effective March one. I was discussing with my dad and decided to look in to a second job. He mentioned Grease Wood, where he plays every weekend singing to the bikers and cowboys, and I jumped at the idea. I start next Sunday and will be helping out where I can to make some extra cash here and there!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I'm excited but hoping I don't go crazy without my weekends. We shall see. Wish me luck.

Fun times with Friends

I had a little accident and had to get stitches...thanks to Amber I made it to the ER at 2 am!





Beer pong at our house







Super bowl Sunday...








Scott had a rough night.

First time on the light rail!

Bull riders and cowboys

One of the best nights I have had in a long time was last weekend when me and my closest girl friends went to a bull riding competition. The best part was just spending time with the gilrs I know the best. Amber, so dang cute, is now a big time cowgirl watching her man ropin' and ridin'. We had a mission that night, find Sarah a cowboy! Nicole did a great job pointing them out! It was so much fun drinkin, dancing, and scopin' out the tight jeans and cowboy hats. I love you girls, I'm so glad you are in my life.

Sarah learned how to play pool that night... below are some pics from the event filled evening!

I like this song

I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
I'm no longer moved to drink strong whisky
'Cause I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years
But I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
If I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

-Colin Hay

Dear Jackson,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you will never fully understand the reason I am not around. I wish I was able to explain these types of things to dogs. I can tell you a million times that I love you and miss you but you will never really know. I miss the nights it was only you and I and we would sit on the couch together and watch South Park and laugh at the stupid jokes while you chewed continuosly and your eye ball would go sideways because you were in such bliss. I wake up in the morning and get ready to take you out, but it's not me anymore. I'm sorry that I can't take you for hikes anymore to the power line and back, sometimes we would make it to the big ditch but we both know mama would get lazy and just throw a stick so you could get the exercise instead of her. Tell the horny toad I said hello, I'm sure he forgives you for pouncing him every time we walked by. Sometimes I miss buying you stupid toys from the dollar store that you would shred in 3 minutes and then I would have to clean all the little bean bag beads up with the vaccuum cleaner that never picked anything up. I do miss you puppers, I'm just not allowed to tell you anymore. When we went and got you, I was a little hesitant because Toby was in my heart and to be honest I really wasn't ready for you. It took me a long time to like you. Only you and I will know the good times we had and the love I have for you now. Please know, even though I'm not around, I miss you and wish I could see you everyday. I didn't leave because of you. I didn't abandon you. If only you could understand. I'm afraid that you don't remember me anymore but I can only hope you do. No matter what you hear, I am your mama.

Dignity

I started a new job in November. It only took me two weeks total to find a job after moving to Phoenix. I have been working with prostitued women. These women have the desire and dignity to get out of the sex industry. My job is to support them and guide them on their journey to success. These women have learned more about life than a lot of us, they only learned it in a completely different way. I have already learned so much in the few weeks that I have been there, I am excited to see how much more I can grow. Below is the starfish, the symbol we use to represent our program and the story that helps us all know we can make a difference.



Once a man was walking along a beach. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day. Off in the distance he could see a person going back and forth between the surf's edge and and the beach. Back and forth this person went. As the man approached he could see that there were hundreds of starfish stranded on the sand as the result of the natural action of the tide.
The man was stuck by the the apparent futility of the task. There were far too many starfish. Many of them were sure to perish. As he approached the person continued the task of picking up starfish one by one and throwing them into the surf.
As he came up to the person he said, "You must be crazy. There are thousands of miles of beach covered with starfish. You can't possibly make a difference." The person looked at the man. He then stooped down and pick up one more starfish and threw it back into the ocean. He turned back to the man and said, "It sure made a difference to that one!"

Happy No phone.

This isn't quite what happened at the stroke of midnight on Dec 31st, the only thing different from this picture is that my phone was dropped in to a glass of Rum and Coke. It was an accident of course, and out of kindness, but I am quite irritated about the whole thing only because I have now realized how addicted to my phone I am. It's actually rediculous how much I use that thing. But hey...now I get a new one. The screen was cracked so it all worked out for the best. HA! The funny thing is after I heard the splash, I sat there for a moment and was surprised...kinda drunk too so I reacted a little slow...then the boys yelled "take the battery out, quick!" I proceeded to slowly try to dry it off and take the battery out. They all told me not to turn it on until the next day but did I listen? No. I went inside and decided to dry it with a blow dryer, which only fried the screen. I then turned it on, that night, and caused it to short out. Good one Alanna. I just couldn't handle that I wasn't going to recieve any midnight phone calls or mass texts saying Happy New Year, one after another.

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year and if you need to know what NOT to do if your phone is damaged by liquid...call me.

A try-to-be-merry Chirstmas.

This year has just not been the same for me. Usually around Christmas, I wait until the last moment to buy all my gifts, I love listening to Christmas music, and I just can't wait to tell my family all my new exciting things that have happened to me in the past few months. This year...I bought everything and/or made it in a timely manner, mostly because I think I actually had idle time on my hands. I LOATHE the Christmas music this year for some weird reason. I blame the department stores. And to be honest...because my family are the only people I trust and know me the best...I have a hard time spending time with them because they all can see it in my face that I am unhappy and I don't want to ruin Christmas this year. I don't want to be the Debbie Downer that crys every ten minutes. So I am apologizing in advanced if you get a waterfall this Christmas.

On a happier note, I made gifts this year that I am very proud of. A blanket for my neice, brownie mixes that only took 5 runs to the Fry's down the street to buy almonds when we really needed pecans. And did you know that Walgreens does NOT sell white chocolate chips? Oh and did you know that 32 oz equals 4 cups? HA HA!! Nicole and I learned more about measuring units from baking than we ever did in high school. We had a blast.

Merry Christmas I love you all.

I learned how to ride a dirt bike!

On Sunday I went to Saguaro Lake with my friend Steven and his brother Jimmy. Both guys have been riding since they were little and Jimmy was the brother who turned it in to something more than just a hobby. It is his passion. He participates in competitions and does crazy, wicked, sick tricks on his bike. It was so great to watch someone partake in their passion. The type of passion that brings you to your authentic self. Steven taught me how to ride the smaller dirt bike. I didn't want to at first but he talked me in to. He walked along side of me as I tried to figure out how to use a hand clutch, give it gas, use the hand brake and not fall over all at the same time! It was nerve wrecking but man... I felt tough. So I rode around in first gear for probably 20 minutes total while Jimmy laughed at my loser-ness then gave the bike back to the pro.


The view
No smiles for this rider
Steven on the BIG bike.
Pit stop before playing some more. Brothers are not so nice to each other all the time.

Defeated...lets celebrate anyway!

A little bit of drinking, ok maybe more than a little, commenced on Saturday night. We started at a friends to watch the depressing fight between Randy and Brock. Randy Couture is by far the best known MMA fighter. We all had hope that he would come through and rock the biggest guy ever to enter the UFC but it didn't happen. Although he didn't win, Randy had class and congratulated his opponent in the end.

After the fight and many games of Left, Right, Center, we headed to First Round Draft for some Karaoke. I'm too chicken to sing but others are really good and rocked the joint!

Welcome to Gilbert

Friday night I was welcomed to Gilbert with quite an interesting "ritual." Troy, the husband of the couple I am staying with went on a 7 day hunting trip and came back with a buck! I'm not much if a hunter but was very interested in the process it takes to get your "prize." Troy waited a little too long to clean the skull so he could keep the antlers...so the brain became infested with maggots and nastiness. Soooo....he had to boil the head, yes the WHOLE head in water. We decided to make a party out of it and be the hicks they are in Gilbert. We had two fires going so we could sit and enjoy the warmth but didn't have to smell the burning maggot infested brains. YUM! Nicole had to dig out all the meat so the skull would be completely clean. Man is she brave! She loved it..it was biology class for her.

The proud hunter and his brave lady...




















Adam serenaded us with this non G rated songs on the guitar, made for lots of laughs and getting to know each other quickly!

My first, next tattoo.

The main verse in this poem...on my rib cage.

"Phenomenal Woman"

Pretty woman wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to fit a fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I'm telling lies.

I say,

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

They swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It's the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,

They say they still can't see.

I say,

It's the arch of my back

The sun in my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed.

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing,

I ought to make you proud

I say,

It's the click of my heals,

The bend of my hair,

The need for my care.

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

-Maya Angelou

Movin' on

On Friday November 7th my life completely changed. I loaded up a Penske truck (mostly by myself by the way) with all of my 'so called' important items that I couldn't live with out. Needless to say, I left a lot of material items behind along with the intangible, including my heart. My good friend and my dad drove all the way up to Flagstaff to help me load the couches and help me hold my emotions from exploding. We made a few stops to pick up my never used boat and at the casino for lunch where we each had 8 dollars to spend on slots. We didn't win anything but had some mindless entertainment then hit the road again. My friend Nicole drove the Penske down the freeway like a bat out of hell. Scared me to death that she was going to roll the thing but then I found out it had a governor on it that only allowed her to go 75mph or lower. Whew!
We unloaded pretty much everything in to my dads trailer for storage, for now, then headed down to Gilbert to unload some more! So now I live with a married couple in a nice place in the middle of cowboy town. It will take me some time to get use to the cowboy way, really not my style but I'm pretty excepting of others so we shall see.

I have been searching for jobs every day and have only a had a few call backs. I'm going crazy knowing I have nothing to do and no money coming in. It's hard to just sit around all day but nice a the same time. I am so lucky to have such supportive friends and family. When I think about the emotional part of this move...I don't want to think about it. Those of you who know me, I am really good at putting on a face and making the situation light. But inside I hurt. My heart hurts everyday. I think yesterday was the first day I didn't cry. It's hard to learn how to sleep alone all the time, to not have to give all my attention to a dog, maintain a job that is effortless and not see the mountains I drove by everyday. I am trying to find what I enjoy to do. Recently it's been contacting old friends that I know will entertain and keep my mind off of reality. Life is hard, I know this. No one ever told me it would be easy...by why not. I mean really?!

Sitting, wishing, waiting...sums it up for now.